Let's get one thing straight from the start: darts is a sport; got it? For whilst the game's detractors delight in pointing to the absence of aerobic output, they conveniently overlook the delicate muscular movement required to project a pointed tungsten arrow towards the most specifc targets some 7 feet, 9 and a quarter inches away. If that isn't a skilful physical activity in the context of a game governed by a set of rules and customs, then what is?
A craft practised by some many, perfected by so few, this is a booming sport. No finer testimony could there be than the emergence of the Flyder Cup, a tripartite challenge between 3 of south London's most celebrated harriers - Belgrave, Herne Hill and Thames Hare & Hounds. Rivals for over a century across mud-splattered courses the length and breadth of the nation, yet here in the 21st century is a fresh rivalry in a truly blooming sport.
Belgrave Hall may not be the Circus Tavern, though one could be forgiven for thinking otherwise amidst the cacophony of raucous cheers reverberating from the venue, so perfectly did it blend all of the ingredients for the finest darting drama: a tense, tight ambiance, peppered with alcohol-fuelled whoops of delight, clenched fists, joyful jigs as the tungsten landed in "the lipstick" and despairing frowns when it didn't; a rivalry breeding determination, ney desperation to win; even a little controversy when the Belgrave skipper dared to claim Dennis Priestley, famed for his red-and-black hooped Dennis the Menace attire, as an icon for his own club. Whether this was a tacit admission, long overdue, that Herne Hill Harriers really do have the greatest of all great club colours, no-one will ever know for this suggestion was promptly drowned by howls of protest from the visiting Herne Hill contingent.
Spurred by this outrage, the real red and black dart masters let their tungsten do the talking. One can only imagine what mesmering, over-excited observations a certain Geordie commentator might have chosen to liken the valour shown by ALG in defying the odds to claim maximum points from his two matches in partnership with Ben Hallifax to the exploits of Francis of Assisi to. Yet who needs Sid Waddell when the effervescent chatter of young Geoffrey Jerwood, surely the greatest-ever fan of double 17, could be heard all the way to Timbucto upon landing a crucial arrow plum in the middle of the madhouse (that's double 1, for those unfamiliar with darting speak) to claim a vital win with the other Jeffrey, Jeff Cunningham.
Profiligate finishing blunted the much-hyped pairing of James Ward and cunning Keith Newton which surprisingly failed to yield any points, squandering a huge advantage against Belgrave in the process, but these defeats were offset by sublime play by the lethal combination of Dave Taylor, dishing out his own brand of darting "power", and El Presidente, Waldy Pauzers, whose achievement of 2 wins from 2 games is rarely matched by his football team of choice.
Standing tall amongst the giants of the game, Spencer "the Ace" Mason and Big Ben Paviour revealed themselves to be amongst the more able of those exponents exhibiting their talents and both would feature in an epic finish as entertaining as you could wish for.
As contest reaching its climax after 16 legs, hosts Belgrave had been on a the receiving end of a 4-2 defeat to Thames and were taking a severe battering from our Herne Hill heroes, trailing 4-1 with one leg remaining. One leg remained, too, in the heavyweight Thames-Herne Hill clash, finely poised with Thames leading 3-2. Which of them would wrestle the Flyder Cup from Belgrave's grasp?
The trophy being awarded to the team that amassed the highest number of wins in their 2 individual matches, the maths were simple: 2 Herne Hill wins in the remaining would secure a second piece of silverware that day; a win against Thames but a loss to Belgrave would bring about a 1001, all men-standing sudden death play-off; defeat to Thames and they would leave with nothing, not even the much-maligned mythical consoloation prize that is a "bus fare home".
Make no mistake, this result really mattered. Hopes that the contest would go right down to the wire were, however, destined to be dashed. Caring nothing for the deliberating drama that unfolds when crucial doubles are missed, Thames captain Larry Matthews ended the contest as a going concern with a stunning dart, completing a 31 checkout in 2 darts, following up a single 3 with a sublime arrow, landing a double 14 at the first time of asking, sparking wild delirium and group bonding amongst the Thames numbers against their own choral backdrop of Planet Funk's "Chase the Sun" (that's the PDC's darts anthem for those unaquainted with the joy of mixing a late-night kebab with televised darts). The floor shook; Herne Hill shook their heads; deprived of the last word, with a wry smile their cross country team manager could do nothing but remind them of what they could have won as he waved the Surrey League trophy.
